As parents, we spend so much time teaching our children how to say hello. Hello to new friends. Hello to new teachers. Hello to new seasons and new adventures. We prepare them for beginnings.
But sometimes, life asks us to help them understand something much harder.
How to say goodbye.
Not just “see you later.”
Not just “talk to you soon.”
But goodbye in a way that changes everything.
A Personal Note from My Heart
I share this from a place of deep understanding. Years ago, I lost my oldest son. It is not something that ever truly leaves you. It becomes part of who you are. It shapes the way you love, the way you pray, and the way you hold your children a little closer.
I don’t share this to bring sadness, but to let you know that these words come from a heart that has walked through loss and learned, slowly and imperfectly, how to keep moving forward with faith and hope.
How Children Experience Loss
Children do not grieve the same way adults do. Their feelings often come and go. They may seem fine one moment, acting out in another moment, and full of questions the next.
You may notice that your child:
- Asks the same question over and over
- Becomes quieter than usual
- Shows big emotions over small things
- Wants extra closeness and reassurance
All of this is normal. Grief does not follow rules. It unfolds in its own time.
Understanding Grief: A Nurse’s Perspective
As a nurse, I’ve seen firsthand that grief does not look the same for everyone. There is no “right” way to grieve and no set timeline for healing.
Many people are familiar with the stages of grief described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, often called the Kübler-Ross model. These stages were never meant to guide us in a specific sequence; instead, they help us understand the many emotions that can arise after loss.
They include:
- Denial – “This can’t be happening.”
A natural way the mind protects itself at first. - Anger – “Why did this happen?”
Feelings may be directed at people, situations, or even God. - Bargaining – “If only…” or “What if…”
Thoughts about how things might have been different. - Depression – Deep sadness, withdrawal, or quiet grief.
This is often when the loss feels most real. - Acceptance – Learning to live with the loss.
This does not mean forgetting, but finding a way forward.
For children, these stages often appear in pieces. They may move back and forth between them, sometimes many times. A child might seem joyful one day and deeply sad the next. This is normal.
What matters most is not where your child is in this process, but that they feel supported, safe, and free to express their feelings.
As both a nurse and a mother, I have learned that healing happens best in the presence of love, patience, and grace.
Speaking with Gentle Honesty
Many parents worry about saying the wrong thing. But children do not need perfect words. They need honest, loving ones.
Simple phrases can be very powerful:
- “It’s okay to feel sad.”
- “I’m here with you.”
- “You can always talk to me.”
- “We love you so much.”
You don’t have to explain everything. You only have to stay present.
Keeping Love Alive Through Memory
One of the beautiful things about children is how naturally they remember through stories and shared moments. Talking about loved ones who are gone helps children understand that love does not disappear.
It lives on through:
- Family stories
- Photographs
- Traditions
- Prayers
- Acts of kindness
In this way, memory becomes a bridge between past and present.
Learning to Treasure Today
Loss changes the way you see time.
After losing my son, I became more aware of how precious ordinary moments truly are. The hugs before school. The quiet conversations in the car. The bedtime prayers. The laughter around the table. Even with my adult children, the shared moments and goodbyes matter.
These are not small things…They are sacred…They are the pieces of life that stay with us forever.
A Gentle Resource for Families
As both a nurse and a children’s author, I wanted to create something that could truly support families walking through grief. My children’s book gently walks children through the stages of grief described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, helping them understand their feelings in age-appropriate ways.
I’ve also created a companion grief journal to give children a safe space to write, draw, and reflect as they process their emotions.
These resources are meant to be used slowly, together, and with room for questions, faith, and honest conversation. If they feel helpful for your family, you can learn more about them here.
A Word of Encouragement for Parents
If your family has experienced loss, I want you to know this:
You are doing better than you think.
You do not have to be strong all the time.
You do not have to have all the answers.
You do not have to carry everything alone.
Your love, your presence, and your faith matter more than perfection ever could.
Teaching Our Children About Love That Never Ends
One of the greatest lessons we can give our children is that love does not end with goodbye. Even when goodbye means forever, love continues through compassion, faith, memory, and hope. It becomes part of the story we pass on…And in that way, it never truly leaves us.
🌿 Parent Discussion Prompts
Talking with Your Child About Love and Loss
These gentle questions and prompts can help open meaningful conversations with your child at their own pace:
💬 For Younger Children (Ages 3–7)
- “What makes you feel safe when you feel sad?”
- “Who are the people who love you the most?”
- “What is your favorite family memory?”
- “What do you like to do when you miss someone?”
💬 For Older Children (Ages 8–12)
- “What do you think happens when someone we love is gone?”
- “How do you like to remember people you miss?”
- “What helps you when you feel worried or sad?”
- “Is there anything you’d like to talk about today?”
💛 Family Activity Ideas
- Create a “memory jar” with happy moments
- Look through family photos together
- Say a short prayer for loved ones
- Write or draw letters to someone you miss
- Light a candle and share one thankful thought
Remind your child often: All feelings are welcome here.
SPS Books & Journals 